My Venting...

Okay, so my friend was going through Invitro because she has a hard time getting pregnant and she would write down thoughts and rants that she had as she was waiting in the doctors office or just as she felt she needed to vent, I have been doing the same in a sense for a while and have a whole bunch. I thought over the next while I might randomly post them. Mind you this all started about a year ago so the first ones will be past feelings etc. and they will get more current as they go.

So heres the first one....


I used to want eight kids, but now, so close to bringing number two into the world i find myself thinking at times ‘is it too late to only have one?’ Don’t get me wrong, I am so very excited for this new little person to join our family, I’m just scared at the thought of how I am going to survive.
Right now I feel like I am in no mans land. I’m only a few weeks away from taking my baby girl, who is not so much a baby anymore, to be assessed for autism. I’ve done the preliminary, mandatory, hearing tests, blood work and pediatric appointments- all that gave me no answers, no suggestions or clues on how i can get my two year old to talk again and stop beating the crap out of me on a daily basis.

part of me wants so badly for her to be autistic, or have Aspergers so that there can be a name, a diagnosis, something to blame for why she acts the way she does. The other part of me is just praying and hoping that my perfect little angel is just delayed or stubborn and that any day will snap out of this stage and speak in full sentences. We sometimes joke that one day she will just start saying “mother, stop patronizing me”. But I am pretty sure that that won’t happen.