Another vent...

I hate that my pediatrician is helpful but not proactive. He will give me the tests I request but nothing more. Aren’t you supposed to be the one who knows what to do, I don’t know what tests would be most beneficial, I don’t know what all her symptoms could add up to. You are supposed to know or figure it out, please stop leaving it up to me.

So again with the hurry up and wait I seem to be experiencing on a daily basis now. She's on another waiting list for an MRI, EEG and some metabolic testing- yeah, bring on the blood work again because it didn’t traumatize her enough the first time! Don't get me wrong, I am all for these tests being done, heck I asked for them, I just wish I could explain them to her so she wouldn’t be scared or in pain. One of the hardest things is to see her screaming and looking at me with pleading eyes as I hold her down and someone pokes and prods at her. If I could change places with her, lose my ability to speak and have sensory issues so that she could go back to being a happy, carefree, ‘normal’ little girl, I would do it in a heartbeat. no questions asked!

I don't know what to do. the internet, in its vastness, seems so limited. or maybe my googling abilities are limited- either way, I want answers, I want clues, I want....something. I want Cam to stop saying ‘by the time she gets into one of those programs she is on the wait list for she will be talking, so what are you worried about’ or ‘you’re so neurotic, you just want to diagnose her with something, theres nothing wrong with her’.

Sometimes I don't think we are living in the same world, let alone house.I don’t think he hears or sees the same little girl I do. I don't think he gets- or wants to get- the situation we have been put in. I know he gets frustrated with her and the constant screaming, scratching and biting but he really cant be naive enough to think that given a few more months she will start to talk on her own and start behaving- can he?